Today I Miss.

I miss waking to the sound of Ling-Ling outside our room calling, "Good morning, sleepers! Ni Hao!!" I miss trudging over to the breakfast hall, sitting down on a cute red bench, and having my little muffin and watery Chinese yogurt. I miss listening with Kaisha for rumors of where our little sponsor girls were out playing in the morning and then scurrying to finish our hair and brush our teeth before rushing outside to find them. I miss having Niu Niu (Margaret) scamper up into my arms, play with my long blonde hair (a novelty in China!), and giggle in her precious little way... "uh-hah, hah". I miss seeing Kaisha with Mei Mei in her lap, taking pictures together and laughing. I miss visiting the childrens' homes every day...being greeted by a band of chubby boys singing "J*sus Loves Me" or "I'm in the L*rd's Army", stroking the little disabled children who could only lay stiffly on the floor, seeing all the toddlers lined up in their high chairs or potty chairs (depending on the time of day!), cuddling babies close on my shoulder, and giving and receiving numerous hugs and smiles from children who were often disfigured and seemingly unattractive, but who nonetheless found their way into all of our hearts over the past 10 days and became the most radiant and beautiful of treasures in our eyes. I miss exploring the fascinating Chinese culture, seeing new sights, and meeting some fabulous new American and Chinese friends with a shared love of orphans and ministry done in the spirit of James 1:27. And I miss seeing G*d increasingly work in all of our hearts while we were in China, gradually breaking and softening them to care about these precious little lives and heartbeats that the world had otherwise cast aside. I pray, though, that the work of heart-changing which He began during our time in China, will blossom and continue to bear fruit long after these other experiences have passed away.

As you have undoubtedly guessed, our adventure in China has now ended and we try now to pick up the pieces of our hearts and work on blending our new and different selves back with our normal American lives. It's such a difficult transition to make! Over the past 10 days, I found that the hardest part of China was not something expected. It wasn't the smells, the stress-inducing driving (which we lived to tell about!), the squatty potties, the often unappealing foods, or even the poverty and need we witnessed. Rather, the hardest part of China was leaving. While I prepared myself beforehand for tears upon saying goodbye to our little sponsor girls and the other children at Shepherd's Field, I hadn't the faintest idea how deep the grief would actually be. Until you've been there, you too can't imagine what it's like to kiss these babies one last time, look into the older kids' dark eyes when they comprehend that you are flying home that day, and hug my precious little Niu Niu goodbye, trying not to think that I won't see her playing out in the courtyard or running down the halls with her pink piggy-tails anymore. And though the kids left the deepest hole in our hearts, Kaisha and I also had trouble leaving China itself. Despite all the luxuries and freedoms of the United States by comparison, we are deeply missing the lush, green, and friendly country we grew to love so much over the last week and a half.

With all that said, please bear with me as I try to process all of our experiences and put to paper the stories written in our hearts and memories from this trip. Stay tuned for many more posts and pictures in the future. And, if you don't much care for China, you'll probably want to find a different blog to read for the next several weeks, as it is my constant heartbeat right now. :) Thanks so much for everyone's prayers and support, and I look forward to sharing so much more of this trip with you either via the blogosphere, or (preferably!) in person sometime. Blessings!